Something borrowed, something red.

Living abroad for most of my adulthood, I became worried about losing connection with Turkmenistan and Turkmen culture — significant parts of my identity. Addressing identity in the decolonial framework of the former Soviet republics, this project aims to understand the place I was born and raised and how its historical changes have shaped me. This long-term project conceptually consists of several parts. The first part is based on my personal experience of being a stranger among my own. Growing up in Turkmenistan after the collapse of the Soviet Union to interethnic parents Georgian and Turkmen, I was not seen as Turkmen either for Turkmen or for a Russian-speaking community. As a child, I did not feel a difference, yet when puberty hit, things changed and cultural norms for Turkmen girls especially in the village got into play and separated me from the image of a Turkmen girl. Here I will use reenactment, still, portrait, and nature photography (archives from trips home). The photographs in this section will be based on the memories from childhood. The second part refers to my attempts to blend in. As time passed, I tried to find ways to blend in the community and I used dresses borrowed from my cousins as a tool to be unseen. In this part, I repeat an action of blending in from my childhood by borrowing dresses from friends and performing in front of the camera the act of blending in. The third part came from my experience living abroad, which led me to reflect on what is home and where I really belong. In this part I turn to mythology and stories I heard growing up as a child. One that I remember hearing often comes from my region Mary and it is about Peri and Sultan Sanjar. In a nutshell, this myth is a symbol of the desire for something and the endless inability of having it, just like I ache to belong. This section will be presented with images based on mythological stories, where Peri, a mythical woman from the region, is a symbol of a Turkmen woman depicted as unattainable and distant. The fourth and last part address identity in the decolonial framework of the former Soviet republics. I am conducting research in relation to the effects of the Russian Empire and the Soviet Union on my home region and on the formation of my identity. I am also looking into textiles and their appropriation, and the importance of the colour red in the culture. I am still understanding how this knowledge can be formed into the visual layer. Work in progress.

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